Public Masturbation Has Been Legalized!

No joke, a commenter posted the link:

Masturbating in public should not be considered an illegal act, Italy’s Supreme Court has ruled, in a case involving a 69-year-old man who was caught exhibiting himself in front of female students.

The man, identified only as Pietro L, was caught holding his penis in a public place outside the University of Catania in Sicily…

But his lawyers took the case to a final appeal in front of the Supreme Court in Rome, which over-turned the conviction, citing a law introduced last year which decriminalised the offence of masturbating in public in front of women. “The act is no longer regarded as a crime by the law,” the Supreme Court ruled.

Get that – this wasn’t some exploitation of some arcane quirk of the law from the distant past about something unrelated. The government actually went out of the way last year to clarify that openly massaging your dongle in public is now legal. I am reminded of the Dave Chapelle bit where he was dodging ejaculate in the city like Neo in the Matrix.

That is our future.

Next up, public fornication, and then legalized rape – no joke. Watch for it one day, if the apocalypse is held off long enough. Feminists will decry it – with a tingle in their crotch, a twinkle in their eye, and a wide-eye’d, come-rape-me look on their face. This is going way faster in some places than I would ever have believed. The species is remolding into something completely different in these amygdala-lacking individuals, and the communities they manage to co-opt.

This is begging to be trolled. I am thinking of setting up some civil liberties group, with a website, for public exhibitionists. Then I’d issue press releases claiming my civil liberties group is trying to organize a mass-masturbation session in a town square to celebrate the ruling, maybe documented by Guinness World Records if possible.

Or I will issue a press release from some “masturbatory-friendly” city in Italy, complete with a tourism website, trying to gin up tourism with it’s embrace of public masturbators. The site would highlight all the girls in bikinis on its beaches, and the free lubricant dispensers situated at each park bench.

Whatever is done, it will have to be just believable enough to get the media talking about it, and not so crazy as to come off as fake.

In this time of addled amygdalae, it shouldn’t be too difficult to fool the leftist rubes in the media.

Addendum: For those who didn’t see it, we predicted this here.