Post-Election, Cuddling Is Taking Off

Kind of funny:

In the wake of Donald Trump’s election, people struggled to figure out how to cope – and some found the answer was as simple as human touch

On a Saturday night in Venice, California, light spills from an open door on an otherwise dark street. The space appears to be an art gallery or studio: blank walls, cubbies for shoes and personal items and cushioned mats and pillows lining half of the room’s hardwood floor…

This room is called The Love Dome and hosts events including yoga, dance and private parties. Every Wednesday and Saturday night, The Love Dome is host to Cuddle Sanctuary, an organization that leads group cuddle events, professional cuddling and training for professionals. This is one of their group cuddle sanctuaries.

Fei Wyatt, the iPad-toting host, is Cuddle Sanctuary’s Chief People Officer, a professional cuddler and certification program leader and the facilitator for tonight’s cuddle. In an hour’s time, she’ll be chaperoning a room full of strangers spooning each other on the floor. But now, participants sit cross-legged, eyes fixed on Wyatt, who leads the group through a number of warm-up exercises like deep breathing, a body awareness activity and light stretching. She then outlines a few rules: to arrive and stay sober, to keep the identities of everyone in the room confidential, that no touch is required, that you can change your mind at any time and to respect others’ boundaries with enthusiasm. “This is a G-rated event,” Wyatt says. “Touch stays outside the bikini area…”

The elephant in the room during some of these sessions, though, is the current state of the country’s affairs. Since November – and the election of Donald Trump – professional cuddling services have seen a spike in client interest.

“The holiday season was the first time that since Trump won the election that a lot of people were seeing their family,” says Adam Lippin, co-founder and CEO of Cuddlist, which provides training services to professional cuddlers and allows clients to search listings of “Cuddlists” nearby. “People with different political views were going to be in the same place with relatives. That was the first hit of people having to confront it in a significant way. We saw an uptick around that.”

But what makes the organized effort of being held, a service that comes with a cost (Cuddlist sessions go for $80 an hour), something that aids in relieving the fear and discomfort that has come with Trump’s presidency?…

The same kind of feel-good hormones that are released when mothers nurse their babies or when you get a great massage are the same ones at play during a positive and platonic embrace. Those chemical aftereffects leave you experiencing nurtured and connected in much the same ways that sex does.

Three days after the election, Anastasia Allington, a professional cuddler in Austin, Texas, had a session with a client who was bereft and frequently broke into tears. Another scheduled a cuddle session on Election Day in order to alleviate the anxiety he was already experiencing around the campaign…

“In regards to the Trump administration, this practice is really inoculating me from the drama and trauma that I’m witnessing on Facebook,” Franzblau says. “I’m getting the boost that I need on a regular basis that helps me feel like a human instead of a panic machine.”

Amusingly it sounds like breast massaging and ass grabbing is allowed. And I would hate to be a guy in the pile when the gays infiltrate it. Obviously all of it is amygdala-distraction, and probably some vestigial cuddle reflex remaining from when we were babies relaxing the amygdala. Still, it is ridiculous.

If in Idiocracy, when the crops wouldn’t grow, everyone got stressed and formed a spoon train on the ground, grabbing breasts silently, while a few people colored coloring books in a corner, it would have ruined the movie. It would have been too ridiculous.

President Camacho firing a machine gun in the congressional hall during his state of the union, ‘tards piloting jumbo jets, even the movie “Ass” were all believable compared to what we are seeing now in real life. This is the peak r of a millenia.

I swear, this Apocalypse is going to be epic.

Spread r/K Theory, because it will undo all of the effects of liberal cuddling