The Roman philosopher and statesman Cicero insisted that gratitude was “the parent of all the other virtues.”
Cicero did not define gratitude as Mafia-like loyalty or mutual back-scratching. He was not referring to a pop socialism where all supposedly owe their successes to the government.
Instead, gratitude is proof of humility and offers perspective. It is an appreciation for others, often now dead, who have helped to make us what we are. Without it, we are narcissists and self-absorbed amnesiacs.
Unfortunately, our modern “me” generation has forgotten gratitude and replaced it with the art of victimization. Contemporary Americans prefer blaming others — parents, ancestors, their country, the world in general — for their own unhappiness while patting themselves on the back for anything that goes well.
Nowhere is the death of gratitude more acute than at our elite universities.
Today’s students hunt for micro-aggressions, slights that register only on their hypersensitive Richter scales of victimization. They pout over mean Halloween costumes, inauthentic ethnic food or politically incorrect literature assignments. They are angry even at mute statues and century-old names chiseled on the arches of their ivy-covered halls.
The little signs of your society’s K-status are all around you. Being grateful means your amygdala was braced for the nasty alternative, and it was so pleasantly surprised by your good fortune it made you want to express appreciation to someone.
One of the hallmarks of a narcissist is an absence of true gratitude. They can fake it, if they think you are going to be useful, but by and large they expect everyone to make their lives as delightful as possible, so they may sulk in envy over little pleasures others may enjoy. Fail to provide them with that, and they will default to rage. Obviously it is the most extreme version of the r-strategists subtle expectation of free resources. It is literally programming designed for their specific environment.
This is one of the reasons I expect we will end up happier in Apocalypse. Our focus will shift from the little things we are denied to the big disasters we were able to avoid. Buy a car today, and then find out another model had some little triffle you really wanted, and you end up slightly bothered – while driving around in a new car. See the barbarians raid your neighborhood in a effort to raze all the buildings, but let them only level one, before your neighborhood watch manages to kill them all, and you are down one building – but boy that was lucky!
Jost’s mortal salience stimuli has the same effect. Show someone a coffin, or remind them that we are all only here for a brief time, and all that worry about material things and tragedies of the moment will fade away into gratefulness – you can hold your loved one’s close – even if it will be limited in time, at least in this plane.
All of life is yin and yang. Without being reminded of the bad, you don’t know how wonderful the good is.
Apocalypse antidepressant – life is short for everyone – take the time to enjoy what you’ve got.
[…] By Anonymous Conservative […]
Every “fairy tale” ever written is about envy. You can feel envy or you can feel gratitude – but you can’t feel both at the same time. And since liberalism/leftism is based on envy…
One obvious outcome of feminism’s claim that men are superfluous has been the shunting of men out of child-rearing.
In place of men rearing children, you get women coddling children and the cult of “self-esteem.”
We would not want little Jimmy to be forged by fire, so we wrap him in swaddling clothes until he gets fed to the wolves at 21 or 22 after leaving university.
Real men know that young women need discipline and a learned focus on family and community, and that young men need to learn the hard realities of life at a young age, so that they are equipped to persevere and battle on, in the face of adversity.
The cult of “self-esteem” that woman have insisted be taught to youth in school is a suicide prescription for a society.
I note that it has created a society of Peter Pans whose young members match those brought up under Mohamadeanism for their inability to deal with adversity and need for ego-gratification at all times.
Observe our university youth protesters and the young Western “jihadis” who go to the Middle East because they believe Islam gives them licence to kill – their mentality is the exact same.
Me, Me, Me, and no fellow-feeling at all.
I’ve been following your blog for quite some time, but really appreciate this post in particular. Since my spiritual awakening I’ve come to understand gratitude as being a key secret to happiness. Reading how you relate gratitude in the context of the amygdala was enlightening.
I’m doing what I can to spread the word of r/K selection theory. Keep up the good work, you’ve really been on a roll lately.
Thank you.
Thank you. I never know if or how this is moving out there. I appreciate hearing from people who like it.
“One of the hallmarks of a narcissist is an absence of true gratitude. They can fake it, if they think you are going to be useful, but by and large they expect everyone to make their lives as delightful as possible, so they may sulk in envy over little pleasures others may enjoy. Fail to provide them with that, and they will default to rage.”
Spot on. The narcissists I’ve known will also fly into a rage if you don’t show *them* the gratitude they believe they’re entitled to. Typically for some “favor” they claim to have done *for you*, without your asking or knowing about it, which they did precisely so that they could extort something from you in return. Since they can’t feel the legitimate emotion of gratitude, they replace it with scorekeeping.
Re: the point of the post: I think we’re overdue for a restoration of the classical virtues generally. Which will accompany any K-shift naturally, as those things tend to be part of (and to have evolved as cultural elements within and because of) the K mindset, but it can’t hurt to teach your kids about them now and get your friends and neighbors thinking about them now.
http://www.bbc.com/travel/story/20150408-bhutans-dark-secret-to-happiness
check out this article on death and happiness.